Monday, February 3, 2014

Growing Pains

    Evey's spinal rods are protruding like crazy out of her back because they're fighting against her body as it tries to grow.  I can't help but think how bad that must hurt her, but at the same time she's been blessed with such a high pain tolerance, so she seems to be managing just fine.  Metaphorically speaking, I think I'm experiencing my own growing pains.
    I tend to lie low when my mind is racing faster than my actions can keep up.  Sometimes, I can get a little too introspective and escape into my mind and thoughts a lot.  Nate calls it my island.  It was our joke when we first got married that I live on my own island and Nate just had a day pass to visit me there.  Nate now has full privileges on my island, he's earned them over the years and I trust him enough to allow him full residency there.
    On that note, I'm learning new things about myself lately.  I feel growth as a wife, as a mom to four evolving children, and more importantly as a daughter of God.  That's the gift that Evey has brought to our lives.  Having her around does not allow us to be complacent.  There's always something new that pops up with her: new medical issues/surgeries, new bills/insurance changes, new late nights.  Something to keep us on our toes - and there's that unknown aspect of 'we could be doing this for the next 30 years with no end in sight'.  Seems daunting - but yet, it is such a blessing - and I hate monotony - so it's perfect for our little family.
    With all going on, I've been tempted to hop on here and do some doubting, questioning, and so on.  But then there's this quote that has not left me since I heard it last year during General Conference.

     "When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your “unbelief.” That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak! Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not! So let us all remember the clear message of this scriptural account: Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

In today's world, if you don't talk about your doubts and troubles, people are cynical and think you're faking your perfect life.  For me, it begins and ends with my faith, with me sorting out my "growing pains" with the Lord somewhere in between.  My life is by no means perfect, or even pretty, most days.  I think down deep, we all know that about each other.  But wouldn't it be amazing if all of us started our day with the Faith that we do have - and stayed true to that until the sun goes down? I'm working on it, and I know the Lord expects me to keep trying and to do a little better each day.  Even though my Faith isn't perfect, the Lord stills continues to work miracle after miracle for our family.  And that is the Plan of Happiness.  That through his infinite mercy, he'll continues to shower us with his Love as long as we keep trying.  We are blessed.

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